Dear Boygenius

I wrote this one in the depths of my relationship and found it scrolling through my notes app. In this writing I am reminded of how deeply we fall in love and how hard it is to fall again. This time I met the concrete on the way down and it hit me hard. This writing has become an explanation of why it is so hard to get up after loving so deeply. I wrote this for my Ex and planned to sent it to one of their favorite bands but never did. I forgotten about it in the chaos of life but reading it again reminds me of the grief and how it’s never easy to get over love.

Dear Boygenious- by Meeeee 02/2024

My name is Alexzandra or Alex if you feel personally connected to me. I highly doubt you will read this because you have millions of followers and I’m technically not one of them. It’s not that I dislike your music- I admire it- but I am currently in love with a person that loves your music.

I was first introduced to your music through my partner some months ago. My partner fully believes in listening to albums rather than individual songs. They see the artist for their full collection and believe that listening to one song is a lot like reading a singular chapter of a book. Therefore I have made a habit of asking my partner what albums they have been listening to and they more often than not say “The Record”. Having full knowledge of the name of your album, I always ask “what record?” This has become a common occurrence in our relationship. Every single time I make this potentially lame joke my partner laughs which makes my heart full. For the last few weeks I’ve had Covid and my partner has been overwhelmed searching for jobs that they feel like they’ll never get. One night I asked what album they have listened to today. The tell me The Record. I ask them what record. They smile as if we aren’t struggling with money, capitalism, and a shit job market. They say “I forgot you did that” and we fall back into a cycle of Boygenius and The Record.

“Speak to me until your history’s no mystery to me”. Power full lyrics that encapsulates the desire to know someone far beyond the point of connection. There’s an Alessia Cara song with the lyrics “I can’t help but wish I knew you then, but I guess I know you now” but I want to know my partner beyond the now so these lyrics inspired me. I often look at my partner and ask them to tell me something I don’t know about them. And they speak to me, in return I speak to them. Soon our history will be no mystery. Could this be the same as sharing history? Sharing the present? And desire of the future? We have now gotten to the point where it is hard for us to think of history that we don’t now share.

A few days ago my partner called me in the evening and we complained about our jobs. Me being a social worker and my partner being a writer/ social worker/ teacher we have never been able to catch a singular break that is not related to finding each other. At the end of the call I desire to hear them smile and I give them the one piece of information I know will lift their spirits. I tell them that Boygenius has won three Grammys. Their smile stretches through the phone and they respond “they deserve it”.

On the off chance that you actually read this, I want to say thank you. Not necessarily for giving me small joys but for inspiring me to find/ make those joy for myself and for my partner. I hope that if you do read this that you will hopefully respond because my partner will likely pass out from joy.

Love a fan of your fan

Alex